More Taboo Stuff

Haven't used this blog in years and by the end of doing so it was almost entirely a fan site for Taboo from the Black Eyed Peas. It's still that.

Things that could feasibly happen in an Eleventh series of Friends

After a heavy night drinking, Joey confuses his hobbies, mistakenly eating a woman and fucking a sandwich.

Ross and Rachel’s daughter (Emma) has a sex change and marries Ross’s son (Ben), further complicating Ross’s already difficult life.

Phoebe gets into a situation because of something she does which is a bit wacky. This causes difficulties with her husband, whose name escapes us.

After a heavy night drinking, Joey (confused), mistakenly fingers one of his sisters.

Chandler balloons again, seamlessly incorporating his face into his chest.

Monica, on a trip to the Vatican, goes mental and decides she and Chandler can’t leave until she’s counted every weave in the pope’s hat. She imposes the arbitrary deadline of a day in which to do this, fails continuously, and soon dies of starvation. Chandler makes a sassy remark.

After a heavy night drinking, a confused Joey does a shit on the settee in Central Perk.

(should earlier have mentioned, Joey develops a drinking problem after season 10)

Weirdly, Ross meets an actual dinosaur. This is explained away in much the same way as at the start of Jurassic Park.

Disappointing Endings for Books

1. It goes like this:

"Put down the sword, Gandror, or so help me I-...ah, you've done it...good." screamed the hero.

And they all were fine.

2. Ruebit dies (and Ruebit is your favourite character!)

3. It turns out that it's set in the real world, and one of the characters has actually written the book, so it all gets a bit meta and there's some line at the end about 'watching your back' or some fucking SHIT!

4. It turns out that everyone in the book has been dead for fifteen years. Also, in passing, it's mentioned one of them was actually three children stood on each other's shoulders wearing a trenchcoat, but nothing came of this.

5. It asks more questions than it answers, if that makes any sense.

6. It turns out that the one who did it is a newly introduced character, so you couldn't possibly have guessed.

7. Someone says the title of the book in a crowbarred in way. Like if it was called 'And the fox cried blind', it might go like this:

"Are you comin', 'annah?" Ruebit asked, in his kindly way.

Hannah looked back at him, fondly. That lovely old man. That kindly lovely old old man.

"I suppose so," she supposed. "There's nothing here for us now, in any case."

Lovely Ruebit smiled back. "'ar now I wunt be knowin' nuthin 'bout that now. Haha. Wunt  be knowin' nuthin 'bout that..." and he slithered out of the room, closing the fucking big door  behind him.

Silence. That room that had once been so full of laughter. Now silence.

She stood for a moment.

"And the fox cried blind," she whispered to no-one in particular, "and the fox, as they say,  cried blind"

Hannah pulled the blinds closed for a last time and a single tear dropped from her vagina.

8. Builds to a climax, then elipsis.

9. Descends into porn. Loads of explicit pictures, even though up until that point it'd been just text - murder mystery shit, too. Also, this one gets a bit racist.

10. Happens about two pages in. Loads of blanks.

Interesting Opinions You Might Like To Have

"I actually preferred it as Choco Krispies - that's just me". Be an interesting opinion for someone to have, wouldn't it?

"I love Ant but I honestly can't get into Dec"

"I do think that there should be higher tax but I absolutely don't think that the money should go towards anything" - why would somebody think THAT?

"I think that Philosophy is...I just...I'm rambling..." - sort of interesting if somebody considered this to be an opinion. I'd disagree, but respectfully.

"I think nowadays the most racist thing you can do is just not to be racist. I honestly think that. Thanks very much, Tony Blair." - what would they even mean by this?

"Lebanon - it's weird isn't it because it sort of sounds like "Lemon On". In a way, lots of places do"

"I always prefer the film to the book"

"Autumn is the best month" sorry, what was that last word again?

"I do prefer showers to baths, but not if I'm in a rush" - because this is exactly the opposite of what seems to make sense, isn't it?

These people would have to be real oddballs.

New Feelings

1. Lathic

It's like a sort of happiness if you're feeling it before noon, but sadness if you're feeling it after

Sample usage: "This is a brilliant day. I'm feeling so lathic! Oh shit, lunch break. I HATE lunch break. Now I'm feeling all lathic"

2. Bleeno

Ambivalence, but about ambivalence.

Sample usage: "Well, you can over-use it. But, then, it's sometimes the most appropriate word. I don't know; I'm kind of bleeno about it."

3. Rundy

When you're sort of pleased for someone's achievement, but there's a sense that it's not really theirs. Like if someone tells you they starred in a successful film as a child.

Sample usage:

A: I got the job

B: Oh, well done

A: Turns out dad knew someone at the office

B: Cool...I'm rundy for you, really I am.

Dickens Restaurants

Plate Expectations

Steak House

Olive ...something with olive

Hard Limes (this would mainly cook things with limes)

The Pick-wok Papers (Chinese stuff)

A Christmas Dinner

David Cod-with-Eel (this would serve cod with eel and would be a pun on Charles Dickens' 'David Copperfield')

The Old Curiosity Pot

Barnaby's Fudge

A Tale of Two Titties (it would be a tit bar that did food, more than a restaurant)

Our Mutual Beef

The Mystery of Edwin Food

I'M OUT!

Further Suggestions for Sexual Roleplay

1. 1. There’s been a hosepipe ban and you and your lover are having an argument about whether or not you could give the chrysanthemums a once over. The situation is further complicated by the fact that you yourselves are chrysanthemums.

2. 2. Imagine that your lover is dead hungry, and you are a melon that is covered in pesticide. You consider asking him/her to wash you off, but soon realise there’s a hosepipe ban

3. 3. It’s cold outside so you pop inside a brothel for a smoke. The hoe’s have banned pipes, so you have to use one of those sheeshas with bubbles. This requires water, which is complicated by the fact that there’s a hosepipe ban. You begin to have sex.

4. 4. You and your lover are hosepipes, who have been banned. You begin to have sex.

5. 5. There is a hoes/pipe ban in Florence, where you are holidaying. This means a gardener can use neither a hoe nor a pipe in his work. You try and get around this by learning the Italian for ‘I am not a gardener’. You begin to have sex.

6. 6. Hosepipe in both arses, joining you together. You pretend to be Catdog (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catdog), and attempt to run away from each other.