Genuinely Rubbish Facebooks #2

"Interests: Rugby, Rowing, and listening to music"

Hello, my name is Chris and I enjoy rugby, rowing, and listening to music. Will you be my friend?

No, Chris, I absolutely will not. You sound fucking tedious.

"Activities: Hanging around with mates"

Hello, my name is Chris and I enjoy hanging around with my mates.

Of course you do, Chris. That's why they're your mates. That's what mates are, you fucking tedium.

Some Witty Quips

These are some witty quips: one-liners and such. They'd be better in context really. The witty bits have been put in italics.

Well, looks like Monster Dog's been barking up the wrong tree. ('Monster Dog', 1997)

And you say I'm the crazy one ('Crazy Bitch/Potty Bitch', madcap Anglo-American romp, 2000)

Hmm. I didn't think there was a 'T' in China! ('Forever Never Comes Again', Bond Franchise reboot, forthcoming)

I guess every dog has its Day! ('Monster Dog', starring Bill Crosby as Simon Day, 1997)

Yeah? Who's wanking now? (Sex-wank, c.2003)

A really good one

So there's a thick character called Harriet and Ludvig's just told John that he's slept with her. A fourth character, Craymond (not a name, really, but go with it) comes in and says, to John, "I did something stupid last night". John, quite cleverly, then says;

'So did Ludvig!'

That'd be a really good one, I think.

Motivational Slogans/Words of Wisdom

1. Your new life started yesterday,

...your old life starts tomorrow!

2. Even the wisest man is only half as wise as the twice-wise man

3. It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the sighs of the dog in the night

4. Nobody becomes anybody through hard work. But somebody does.

5. Life's a walking shadow. Keep walking into that sunset, and you'll wither yourself away. And don't do crack.

6. If you're in a hole, climb out. If you are the hole, don't let them.

7. You've gotta catch'em all!

8. Don't worry about defence, unless you're the goalie. Don't worry about attack unless you're the striker. All the other ones, keep yourselves busy.

8b. De-fence is not just for sitting on!

9. If you're heavily in debt - keep spending!

10. Don't watch this http://www.cakefarts.com/