December 31st - Ta-Boo Hoo (or 'Taboo Who?')

This is the last of my Taboo-based blogs, but I thought it'd be nice if we had a few words from the man himself to see us into the New Year. This isn't his actual New Year journal, but instead his message to fans on what he confusingly dubbed 'Hollow's Eve'

WHATS UP PEABODYS..HAPPY HOLLOWS EVE..

CANT WAIT TO PARTY WITH WILL.I.AM ,APL.DE.AP POLO AND THE REST OF THE CREW AT THIS PARTY CALLED (HARD) IN LOS ANGELES ON FRIDAY OCT 31ST..ITS GOING TO BE FRESH CAUSE WILL.I.AM IS GOING TO BE DJING WITH HIS CREW CALLED SUPABLACK..AND WE ARE ALL DRESSING UP FOR THE OCCASION,IM NOT SURE WHAT IM GOING TO BE QUITE YET BUT IM GOING TO BE REALLY FRESH....TABMAGNETIC...

Now, treat time...

I was listening to 'Where is the Love' the other day, by them Black Eyed Peas, the Black Eyed Peas, and found myself all like "where's Taboo on this shit?" He's got one verse, which is cool, but why not give him two more and a bit at the start, since he's already in the studio? So I've fixed it.

Happy New Year. My resolution? I'm going to try harder to go and see this film...

(this will be easier as, at some point during the course of the year, it will have come out)

December 30th - Taboom Boom Pow! (or The Man Speaks)

0:07 "On BEHALF of Will.I.Am and Fergie" It's sad that he doesn't feel part of it.

"It all starts with the shoes" Then he progresses up the leg for a bit...

Watch out for the awkward stumbly bit at 0:24

0:27. That jacket is by no means "crazy" 'boo.

0:49 "Fergie left the group" You can quote me on that

0:50 "No" My mistake

0:53 "Yeah, man" - I have never heard or seen anyone say anything with even nearly this amount of sadness in them

1:52 He tries to keep it as Mexican as possible. Sometimes, it's not possible to keep it quite as Mexican as he'd like, but wherever he can he tries to ensure that it is.

He does actually seem quite nice.

December 29th - TABOOMERANG!

December 24th - Spot The Difference

December 16th- Tabossword

A sort of 'Spot the Taboo' part 2:

Other games (not comedy, more fun...well, not, but, yeah)

1. Where's Wally?

2. Where's the only number?

3. Where's the noughts and crosses board?

December 15th- Some Ancient Egyptian Taboos

Here are some Ancient Egyptian Taboos, according to Food in the Ancient World by Joan P. Alcock (Greenwood Press, 2006) – or are they? You’ve got to spot which ones are tab-true and which ones are tab-not:

· Herodotus claimed that the Egyptians were not allowed to eat beans

· Herodotus was also responsible for present day Egyptologists believing for a long time that pork was taboo for the Egyptians.

· Herodotus said that Ancient Egyptians were not allowed their iPhone 4s in Mass. Only the iPhone 3 was permitted.

· Herodotus said that any Egyptian who accidentally touched a pig would have to purify himself in the Nile.

· Herodotus said that if you sat on a sort of fleece made out of like just a bit of poo or something then you couldn’t eat until you cried.

· Herodotus said that Egyptian priests were certainly forbidden to eat pork (although this might have been self-denying ordinance, rather than a taboo)

· Herodotus said if you did it up the bum with a camel, you got your head kicked in.

· Herodotus said that Egyptian priests considered it a religious duty to avoid salt, so they refused to eat food cooked with it.

· Herodotus said that it was taboo to not do Taboo’s dance break from ‘Pump It’ every time you heard any music in any context.

December 8th – Taboo’s 3 lines in ‘Don’t Phunk With My Heart’

Welcome to Taboo in Focus, where we’re looking at Taboo’s only 3 lines from the pop hit ‘Don’t Phunk With My Heart’ with them Black Eyed Peas, the Black Eyed Peas.

Baby Girl you make me feel

You know you make me feel so real

I love you more than sex appeal

I want today to focus on the much talked about third line, here. First thing to note, the third line is the last line, in this case. Will.I.Am cuts Taboo off before he gets to finish his famous ‘eel’ quadruplet. Why does Will.I.Am cut Taboo off? What was he going to tell us? Perhaps Will.I.Am was afraid of what Taboo might say...

There are literally hundreds of books about what this forth line might have been, but, for today, we’ll just take it as an unresolved mystery, like the Bermuda Triangle and who really shot Diana. Instead, let’s just look at that third line itself and see what it tells us about a man we’ve come to know as ‘in the Black Eyed Peas’.

“I love you more than sex appeal”

So, we can interpret this line in any one of eight, widely accepted, ways;

1. 1. Taboo loves this girl, let’s call her Cheryl, more than he loves sex appeal.

2. 2. Taboo loves this girl, let’s call her Cheryl, more than sex appeal loves this girl, let’s call her Cheryl.

3. 3. Taboo loves this girl, let’s call her up, more than he loves sex her appeal.

4. 4. Taboo loves the insurance firm ‘More Than’, and begins to list the qualities he appreciates in it. (perhaps the forth line would have gone on to list ‘reasonable APR’ and ‘polite phone manner’)

5. 5. Taboo states only that he loves, in general, and then tells the girl, let’s call her name, that she is, herself, more than sex appeal.

6. 6. Similar to 4. Taboo loves this girl, let’s then, more than he loves sex, and begins to list the gifts he would give her to prove this. ‘A peel, an aga, some Pogz...’

7. 7. Taboo loves this girl, more than he appreciates her sex appeal. In this interpretation, it can be taken as a veiled insult (look out, Fergie!)

8. 8. Taboo introduces himself as ‘love’, describes the girl as ‘more’, mispronounces the word ‘then’, and asks for six apples in a French accent.

Logically, let’s go with the 8^th interpretation. We can conclude that Taboo is pretty weird, sure, but can we conclude literally anything else? Well, if you accept the 8^th interpretation (the Octavian School), then no.

December 7th – Tab-nuts

December 6th – Things T.A.B.O.O. could be an acronym for

Take A Bow, Oh Nothing (as in zero; 0)

Throw All Bums Out of Office

Tecnologie Avanzate Basate (su Concetti) Orientati Ad Oggetti

Theoretical and Applied Biomedical Optic Outlet

Taboo Applies ‘Bazuka’® On Ocelluses (small eye-like coloured spots)

The Acrobatic Boy is Obviously Ochlesitic (suffering from sickness resulting from an overcrowded living condition)

There’s A Bit Of Onomancy (divination using a Donkey or Ass)

Taboo’s Album Be a OOps!

December 5th - Taboo Solo Album Announced!

“As of 2008, Taboo is in the process of creating a solo album, T.A.B.O.O. Taboo has said that he hopes to collaborate with artists such as Frankie J,E-40, Pitbull, and Kumbia Kings. Shakira, Blu Cantrell and Juaneshave been rumoured to be featured artists on his solo effort, even though it may be a small effort. "Revolucion" can be heard on his official website.”

My favourite bit is where it says “hopes” to collaborate.

http://www.tabmagnificent.com/

December 4th – A Suggestion

The new B.E.P. track...

Baby Love Ass (music/lyrics – Will.I.Am/Taboo)

Will.I.Am: Bay-ba-bay, ba-bay-bee lu' ass

Bay-ba-bay, ba-bay-bee lu' ass

Bay-ba-bay, ba-bay-bee lu' ass

(auto-tune bit) Baby do this one-time

Fergie: Do you want to see me dance?

Do you want to see inside these pants?

Will.I.Am, what's the circumstance?

Will.I.Am: Check it out.

This the way it's goin' down

I make the beats, I send'em round

Taboo and the other one say they good

Cos if they aint good it's understood

They try to make they own, groan, bemoan

Text me, aks how the auto-tune switch on (pronounced 'own')

I text'em that, "if you in this act, you gotta learn to hold your own"

They text me back, Taboo makes flapjacks,

The other one smokes crack, and it carries on like that

Til they retract, kick back, say my rhymes is phat,

And, egos intact,

We record my original rap

And I'm like

Bay-ba-bay, ba-bay-bee lu' ass

Bay-ba-bay, ba-bay-bee lu' ass.

Bay-ba-bay, ba-bay-bee lu' ass.

(autotune bit) Baby, do this one-time.

Fergie: Do you want to see my ass?

Does it make you wan' skip class?

Will.I.Am, do you like my ass?

Will.I.Am: I'm like

Bay-ba-bay, ba-bay-bee lu' ass

Bay-ba-bay, ba-bay-bee lu' ass.

Bay-ba-bay, ba-bay-bee lu' ass.

(autotune bit) Baby, do this one-time.

Taboo: You know we dance

Fergie: Do you wan' inside these jeans?

Do they make you think what's in-between?

Will.I.Am, this beat is so obscene

Taboo: Sex appeal

Fourth One: (very slow, considered) Yo.

The boat is on the moat

And the boat begins to float

And then we are on the boat

'Cos the boat is not a goat

And I wrote about the boat

With a goat upon the moat

Until we float like boat now goat now boat

Now wrote now float now bring dat beat!

Will.I.Am: (auto-tune bit) Baby do this one-time

Fergie: Do you like this sexy song?

Does it make you wanna sing along?

Will.I.Am, do you like my ass?

Will.I.Am: Yes, gurl

Fergie then does a little laugh

Also, the video is Cheryl Cole with her muff out.

December 3rd - Findings

Taboo is known for his capoeira-inspired dance moves (he is a practitioner of Jeet Kune Do concepts and a black belt in Ninjutsu) and an eclectic style of dress.

December 2nd – Further examination

This guy, for instance. What does this guy actually do?

December 1st - An Observation

What do the other two actually do in Black Eyed Peas?