Highly Politicised

Today is an important day for people because they get to choose someone to run the country that they live in for a bit. David Cameron (Titanic, Avatars), Nick Clegg (Last of the Summer Wine, Thundercats etc.) and Brown (School Days). I intend to solve who will be the prime minister with a fight. But I don't want to influence anybody's vote, so I'll tell you at this stage, that it's going to be an absolute tie.

Lights dim.

Cameron walks to the ring. The song 'Baby Mama' by Fantasia (J Records 2005) plays. He bows. Kisses some of the women there, and puts a towel over his head, panting a bit. Lots of sweat at this stage.

Clegg walks to the ring, to some Mozart. He's a more attractive man than gets mentioned. He bows.

Brown walks to the ring. No music. He likes 'The Killers', but has requested they not be played. Stumbles a bit on the stairs, because of the eye thing. Self-rights, and hits his stride again. Good recovery (not a political joke).

Ding Ding

They all start hitting each other. Clegg uses a knuckle-duster, but Brown doesn't feel it because of his partially robot head (the eye, etc.). Cameron has taken his shirt off now and he starts clawing into Clegg, then kicks Brown up the arse. Foot stuck. Clegg takes advantage and does a quick turd on the pair of them, lying there in a bundle. I lose interest for a minute, but when I turn back they're all naked and covered in blood. On the front row you can see Tony Blair, sort of somewhere between crying and wanking. This presumably says something about his views, but no-one's sure what. Bang bang bang. Sparks fly out of Brown's head, and Cameron laughs, leaving his mouth open for Clegg to do another one of his turds. It's really getting brutal now. Someone's blood lands on my knee. Brown's eye plops into the gentleman next to me's coffee/brandy. It's confusing as I'm watching this on TV. Some fight. Left. Right. Left. Right. Cameron is in a lot of pain at this point, jaw hanging off, visible ribs, limp. Bang bang bang. Blair's still cranking away. There's a black-out, and when the lights come up they're all fucking. They realise the mistake and force their respective willies out. There's a sort of weird atmosphere. Brown's got a bomb! Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Says Cameron. He's really starting to lose it.

Clegg starts to cry. Cameron begs for mercy. Brown throws it away and says sorry. They all punch each other in the knob and collapse in a pile.

Ding Ding

So hopefully that's helped.